The Groovy Horror of Kinect Star Wars

star wars kinect galactic dance off

Even in a site where everyone can easily be considered a nerd, Anthony and I have another badge to pin on the sash of our geekiness: we are both huge Star Wars fans. We read the books, play the games and watched the Phantom Menace in 3D (or at least I did). Since neither of us have a Kinect, we won’t be playing the recently released Star Wars title, but the game’s Galactic Dance Off mode seemed like good fodder so we decided to watch a few videos and give you our thoughts on them. Be warned, the songs featured in the videos are terrible to the extreme.

See our breakdown after the jump!

Han Solo

Anthony

Oh, Lando is going to dance a bit? That seems…wait, is that “Riding Solo”? I have a bad feeling about this. I’m sure Harrison Ford long ago signed away his soul, I mean, his likeness for Lucasfilm to do whatever the hell it wants with, but I’m reasonably sure no judge would side against him if he were to file a lawsuit for defamation of EVERYTHING. No, R2, not you too! You are better than this, RISE ABOVE, RISE ABOVE! The day I saw this video is also the day I saw a dead body in the street on the way to work from a horrific car accident. AND THIS IS STILL THE WORST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN.

Mitch

I’ve got a bad feeling about this. I know next to nothing about Kinect Star Wars, but this seems designed specifically to punish hardcore Star Wars fans. Honestly I didn’t know that the game would have current pop songs with Star Wars lyrics and somehow that makes everything worse. When does Han even wear glasses? The only thing that made sense in this entire video was Lobot as the DJ. Was that a human dressed up as C-3PO using shutter shades and gold chain to pull of the look? What in the seven hells…

Boba Fett

Anthony

Ok, let’s try this again. Surely nothing could ever damage the coolness of Boba Fett, the most dangerous bounty hunter in the galaxy. Unless you play the Village People, of course. Wow. So this is happening, huh? Oh geez, I just noticed the names of the dance moves on the left are all “clever” takes on Star Wars references. I feel sick. You know, despite myself, I can’t help but be impressed by the Stormtrooper’s dance moves. I shouldn’t be though. Only Imperial Stormtroopers are so precise. The only thing that could make this video cool is if Boba Fett used the fibercord whip on his wrist during “The Lasso” dance move. But alas, the designers seemed to overlook that chance at greatness because they were too busy crapping on my childhood.

Mitch

Well, LucasFilm already ruined Boba Fett as I remember him from my childhood so this can’t be worse right? Nope, never mind. This song is embarrassing, which is saying something considering it’s based off of YMCA. I guess the scene of Boba Fett flirting with those two female Imperial Officers is a reference Return of the Jedi? Or something? I mean this is in Star Wars Kinect but this feels so barely connected to anything that I’m kind of struggling to justify its existence in my mind. Those Imperial Stormtroopers really can dance in those helmets. Maybe they should train to shoot while wearing them next.

Princess Leia

Anthony

I can barely breathe at this point. Surely Leia dancing in her slave outfit will make everything better right? Right? Oh, Ooola is starting things off. No qualms with that. Did you know her boob pops out during her dance scene in…wait, what? These lyrics are atrocious! Major props to the singers for being able to make it through a line without breaking a rib in a fit of laughter. Ok, Leia’s about to dance. Bad move taking off the chain though. How are you going to strangle Jabba now, Your Highness-ness? Use that braid of yours? Your overconfidence is your weakness. And with that, I am going to poke my eyes out for a bit. Just for a change of scenery. I will never forgive you for this, Mitch.

Mitch

Ah, Princess Leia in her steel bikini. That never really made sense considering she’s in the middle of a desert, but I digress. Out of all the Star Wars dances this one makes the most sense. I mean, Jabba was a pretty big pervert, so him having a dance competition doesn’t really seem too out there. I love how Princess Leia just unhooks herself like “I may be a prisoner of this disgusting slug, but I’m still the best dancer in here”. Maybe, I don’t know, RUN OUT OF THE PALACE. You have those longer dancers legs, they’ll never catch you!

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So what did you guys think? Were Anthony and I spot on in our observations? Do we have any other Star Wars fans that want to chip in?

Written by

mitch@gamersushi.com Twitter: @mi7ch Gamertag: Lubeius PSN ID: Lubeius SteamID: Lube182 Origin/EA:Lube182 Currently Playing: Stardew Valley, Mario & Luigi: Paper Jam, Knights of the Old Republic 2: The Sith Lords, Battlefield 4, Tom Clancy Double Feature: Rainbow Six Siege and The Division

4 thoughts on “The Groovy Horror of Kinect Star Wars”

  1. When I saw the Han Solo one, a part of me died. There was my favorite smuggler, played by one of my favorite actors, being degraded like THAT. It sickens me. Nice analysis guys though, I lol’d a few times “Only Imperial stormtroopers are so precise”. Good one Anthony. (Fun fact: the devs who made this are 10 minutes away from me).

  2. [quote comment=”19069″]When I saw the Han Solo one, a part of me died. There was my favorite smuggler, played by one of my favorite actors, being degraded like THAT. It sickens me. Nice analysis guys though, I lol’d a few times “Only Imperial stormtroopers are so precise”. Good one Anthony. (Fun fact: the devs who made this are 10 minutes away from me).[/quote]

    FIND THEM!

  3. I’m very sorry that you had to witness this, but hey look on the bright side at least you didn’t play the game.

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