Gamestradamus Predicts: The Nintendo 3DS

A couple of years back, we did a feature about the Gaming Fortune Teller, in which we interviewed Gamestradamus, who sees into the beyond when it comes to the future of gaming. He is blessed with a unique ability to see gaming events before they happen. Rumor has it that he ran into Bobby Kotick when Bobby was but a wee lad, and saw the dollar signs in his eyes even then.

Unsurprisingly, Gamestradamus was accurate in most of the predictions he made two years ago about motion control and Bungie, so we thought we’d pay him another visit this week. Specifically, we wanted to get some insight into his knowledge about the Nintendo 3DS, Nintendo’s new 3D handheld with unprecedented 3rd party support and a huge offering of classic games we know and love.

Here’s how the interview went down:

GamerSushi: Humble and magnificent Gamestradamus, O wise and gracious fortune teller…. Will the re-releases of classics on the 3DS affect the development of what people really want in the future: HD versions of these same games?

Who is it that disturbs my third and fourth eyes as they peer into the nether-ture! Bah, these questions are child’s play when confronted with the meaning of all life and the eventual rise of the Jupiter-bots. All hail our future overlords that are reading our Web broadcasts even in these ancient days!

Ahem. These new re-releases will certainly not affect Nintendo’s plans for HD titles, nay I say! Why, we will see 3DS versions and HD versions and HD 3D versions and more! I have seen this, yes, and their hand reaches several millennia into the future like the eye of Sauron, and it is taking money from your coffers and coinpurses! Even our great-great granddroids will be partaking of Ocarina of Time in 5D 4080p!

GS: What about Majora’s Mask? Please tell me they are going to make a Majora’s Mask re-make, at least once!

O ho! I chortle because I am wearing this Mask of Majora’s even as we speak. Do I look pleasing to thine eyes?

GS: You know I’m talking about a game, right?


GS: OK, anyway… Gamestradamus, herald of gaming things to come, tell me: will the price of the Nintendo 3DS drop to something more reasonable?

Reason, you say? What good is reason when you have dipped your fingertips and eyelashes into the pool of glorious knowledge that awaits us beyond the fabric of this realm? It smells of some kind of salsa. But its taste!

Wait! I have seen what you seek, and yes! Nintendo loves its money, but understands it cannot have it without your business. They can not see into the future as I can with my many soul eyes, but they have seen the past, and will not repeat the mistakes of their forebears. That price will drop, to a healthier $250. You will spend the leftovers on fast food and Japanese animation.

GS: You are very good at this. Next question: will the 3ds have any problem with sales initially, since so much of it depends on seeing it in person?

I pity you lesser humans! For I, I can see the 3D effects even from off camera footage. I can even see the extra screen’s dimension from here, on the mountains of Tibet, without even “looking”. The answer to your pitiful question for your pitiful lack of abilities is “no”! Nintendo has already done this once before with the Nintendo Wii, and will do it again for the 3DS. And yet again beyond that with the Nintendo Helmut.

GS: Say what?

I grow tired of your constant blathering on this subject and have already said too much. Plus, I have a rash. Do not ask me where it came from.

GS: Fair enough. Will the lack of a second analog stick hurt the 3rd party support in the long run?

The rash came from my robes. Beware of home made fabric softener.

As for the analog sticks, you have already seen the support from the 3rd parties. Metal Gear Solid 3DS, Resident Evil and more! They are lining up to give Nintendo their support, whether they have one analog stick or multiple ones. One stick never hurt any man! Myself, I carry just one stick, and it has served me in my cosmotic travels far and wide and into the next dimension!

GS: …

I am speaking of my divining rod.

GS: I think we’re done here.

I knew you were going to say that, which is why I have already started to fade awaayyyyy. Into the great beyondddddd. Also, the stick was not my divining roddddd. It was a phallic joooooooke.


So what do you guys think? What are your predictions about these questions for the Nintendo 3DS? Feel free to do some fortune telling of your own.

Written by

I write about samurai girls and space marines. Writer for Smooth Few Films. Rooster Teeth Freelancer. Author of Red vs. Blue, The Ultimate Fan Guide, out NOW!

4 thoughts on “Gamestradamus Predicts: The Nintendo 3DS”

  1. Very humorous post as usual. I’m glad to see Gamestradamus back.

    I’ve been thinking about the future of the 3DS also. I agree with everything Gamestradamus has said, but I hope that remakes won’t flood the future too much. While I probably won’t get the 3DS on launch day, I will most certainly get it for Christmas when there will be game bundles or even discounts.

  2. Even the most powerful mind in the world isn’t above a dick joke.

    I’m looking forward to the 3DS with much anticipation; I have heard that LoZ:OoT is a launch title. If it is, Nintendo can pretty much have my monies.

    A price drop would be nice, but why charge less when you know you can sell it for more? We’d only see a drop after a year or two when all the early adopters are gone and Ninty wants to grab the holdouts.

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