Before I head off to commit genocide, I run back into the local tavern to gather some info. Nothing too exciting going on, but I did find a Heckran Bone. Remember that pink dog? *Sigh* I guess I will go ahead and have him join my party. You know, for posterity. What follows is a transcript of exactly what Poshul says when you offer him the Heckran Bone: “Sergiepoo? A p-p-pretenth!? F-F-or I!?” Already, I am regretting this decision and wondering if I can somehow boot him from the team. The music that plays when the game tells you that Poshul has joined you is directly from Chrono Trigger, so I guess all is forgiven. Maybe these Square guys know what they’re doing after all.
I travel just a little bit south to Lizard Rock, a jungle/beach area that has not aged well in the last decade, thanks to decaying polygons. The enemies here are no match for my New Game +, so fret not, dear readers. The real challenge is sneaking up on the Komodo Dragon Pups. The little bastards see you coming a mile away and run off at the first sign of trouble. I’ve had a change of heart and decided they all need to die for this. I manage to trap one in a cave and it’s time to fight! A few quick hits later and that kick ass music from Chrono Trigger is playing again! That sure hits the sweet spot.
Okay, one scale down, two to go. The second one leads me on a merry chase, but fares no better than the first once I catch it. One more to go! This is a little too easy. I might be feeling guilty about this again…NOT! The third Pup goes down faster than Paris Hilton and my quest is complete.
Wrong! After defeating the third Pup, a Mama Komodo appears! My first boss fight! Once again, New Game + makes short work of her. Four hits and Mama lays softly on the riverbed (1000 cool points to anyone who knows that reference). Moving on from Lizard Rock, we come to Opassa Beach, which I hope isn’t a bustling tourist destination, since you know, I just had to traverse my way past several dangerous creatures to get here.
Which leads me to this question: How the hell did Leena get through Lizard Rock when I had to fight a bunch of enemies? Is she a Slayer or something? Does she take steroids? Do I even want to be in a relationship with someone who clearly is hiding something about the very nature of her being?
Enough ruminating. We’re in a JRPG and only the characters get to ask poignant questions and even then it usually has to do with their memory, identity or the nature of God. Leena appears behind me, inviting more questions, but I ignore the urge to ask them for now. Poshul asks if Serge and Leena are on a date and she says, “Oh, puh-leese!”
…FUCK YOU! I just slaved through a miserable, jungle area, fought off a bunch of monsters, killed several of what might be an endangered species, all to get some scales to make you a pretty necklace and you have the nerve to act like I am not getting anywhere? Like I just did this out of the kindness of my heart? What a tease!
That doesn’t stop Bitch, uh, I mean Leena, from accepting the scales from me. Leena starts to reminiscence about how her and Serge used to come here all the time. Well, if I have my way, this will be the last visit! She asks if I remember “that day” and I say no, I don’t. Oh, she seems hurt now! Apparently, Serge and Leena made a promise to each other. She keeps going on about the sea being timeless and how Serge almost drowned and blah blah blah, whatever, we ain’t on a date, so I don’t really have to listen to this, do I?
All of a sudden, outside the text box where Leena’s dialogue is displayed, Serge’s name appears, like that of a disembodied voice. An FMV cuts in and Serge has a flashback, seeing himself as a boy on the beach and a black panther’s eye, glinting in the sunlight. Green sparkles start to form around him and with a flash of light, everything disappears. I had nights like this in college, but that’s a story for another blog.
Serge wakes up on the beach, but Leena and Poshul are no longer around. Can’t say I am sorry. Instead, an old man with a pet Komodo Dragon Pup (!) are standing there. I resist my initial urge to murder the old man’s pet for a shiny scale. Serge asks (I’m assuming, anyway. He is a silent protagonist) about Leena and the old man says she is babysitting back at the village. She ditched me? Wow, I had relationships like this before and I know from experience it won’t end well for Serge.
Oh, look, Poshul is here, after all. Joy. I will spare you his idiotic dialogue, but if you want to re-enact it for yourself, take a hammer and slam it into your temple. Then you might understand a modicum of what I am enduring. Time to leave this beach and head back for the village.
Oh. My. God. Remember that game music from Chrono Cross I posted a few ways back? “Dream of the Shore Near Another World”? It’s playing now and I got instant goose bumps. This is my all time favorite game music and I might just sit here for hours. When you are on the world map, in the upper left corner, there is usually an indicator that reads, “HOME WORLD”. Well, now it reads, “ANOTHER WORLD”. So during that flash of light, we crossed over into a parallel world. Ha ha, joke’s on them, I am about to unleash Poshul on this poor, unsuspecting world! Oh no! What if there is already a Poshul here? Would the exponential effect of doubling the amount of Poshuls on this world cause the entire fabric of space-time to rip apart like Megan Fox’s career? Would all that would remain be two pink, lisping dogs, spitting inane dialogue at each other throughout all eternity? Do I even care?
I think we’ll leave it there for now, but check back next week to find out what is so different in this strange, new world. BTW: still listening to that music. Here it is again in case you missed it last time: