GameCop Vs LameCop Vs PsychoCop: E3 Edition!

It’s been a couple of months, and many of you left feedback that you love the GameCop vs LameCop vs PsychoCop feature, so we thought we’d do an honorary E3 rumor edition!

If you’re unfamiliar with this feature, we discuss gaming issues and we switch roles each time. The GameCop is looking out for you, the gamer, while the LameCop is just what he sounds like: kind of a lamewad. Meanwhile, PsychoCop is a troll in every sense of the word, and completely bat poop insane.

In honor of next week’s E3, we have a completely intellectual debate regarding the status of several E3 rumors, including Hulu coming to the XBox 360, Rockstar pulling out of E3, and Valve’s special showing.



Issue 1

Recent rumors have said that one of the big announcements for Microsoft at E3 is that it is bringing Hulu to the XBox 360. What do you guys think about this?


GameCop: Anthony

Well, the E3 rumors are running rampant and one that might have some validity to it is the one about Microsoft and Hulu teaming up to bring you your favorite TV shows direct from your Dashboard, the same as Netflix currently does. A subscription fee would be required, of course, although no word yet on selection of shows or the amount you would pay just yet.

Personally, I think something like this would be awesome and go a long way towards the long-stated goal of making your video game consoles the entertainment center of your home. I personally hate watching anything longer than a music video on my PC and having Hulu streamed to my TV so I can watch back episodes of M*A*S*H or whatever the hell they have on there would be pretty awesome. I don’t see how anyone could find fault with this.

LameCop: Eddy

OK, the only people that would be even remotely excited about this are total console fanboys. I mean seriously, who needs to watch TV shows on their game console on their TV? Honestly, I don’t know why you’d spend $10-15 bucks a month for that dumb Hulu service. What, are you too poor to afford cable service plus a DVR? That’s at least, I don’t know, 3 times as much!

Besides, why stream it off of a console when you can just watch it on your PC right now, anyway. Everyone knows that the computer chair is vastly superior to your microsuede couch any day. I’ll name at least 3 things that you can do in front of your PC that you can’t do on a couch. Ready? 1) First person shooters. 2) Napster. And C) E-Harmony. Refute that logic, Psycho Cop!

PsychoCop: Mitch

This is the stupidest idea ever! Why would Microsoft add Hula Hoops to the 360 when they’ve already got Natal? It’s just one more part of Bill Gate’s nefarious plan to enslave us all by making our hips sway rhythmically to music. If we’re all too busy swinging our booties, how else is that skinny nerd going to break into our homes and steal all our money?

It’s all part of Gate’s plan to make us too stupid to fight back! Remember that commercial with the guy from Seinfeld, Stienberg I think his name was. Anyways, how dumbfounded were you after that? Do you remember how when you woke up you realized your wallet was gone! Bill Gates! He’s in my head!


Issue 2

It seems that Rockstar is pulling out of E3 this year, and will have no presence at the show. What do you think this means?


GameCop: MitchLameCop: Anthony

What a load of Rockstar apologist garbage, straight from the mouth of someone sucking on the Red Dead teat! I don’t really give a crap that Rockstar has enough pull to make their own event aside from E3 and I don’t really care that some whiny husbands and wives are complaining about the long hours their spouses are putting in over there in Mordor and all its satellite locations.

I want Max Payne 3! I want Agent! I want Grand Theft Auto V: The Search for More Realism and Less Fun! And I want it at E3! If I have to read about it after E3 then it becomes just another boring game announced on Twitter or Gametrailers or where ever the hell non-blockbuster games go to be stillborn. E3 or bust, Rockstar!

PsychoCop: Eddy

I see it as no great coincidence that Rockstar kindly pulls out of this right when all of this BP junk is going down in the Gulf. You know what I’m talking about. What we’ve suspected for years: Rockstar is in big oil’s, and consequently, the government’s pockets. Any non-essential BP staff is probably down there scrubbing ducks and barrelling that sweet, sweet, money-making crude right now, which will no doubt include most of the GTA dev team.

How else can they get all that free press from those talking heads from the Capital? We all know that any press is good press, so just consider those old senator airbags to be the best PR agents money can buy! WE SEE THROUGH YOUR LIES ROCKSTAR AND BP, AND WE AM DISAPPOINT!


Issue 3

Word on the street is that Valve has a special announcement for E3. Do you think it’s Half-Life 2 Episode 3, at long last?


GameCop: Eddy

While Valve has teased a great surprise at E3, I think that people need to temper their enthusiasm. Something tells me that if the announcement isn’t Half-Life 2 Episode 3, folks are going to flip their lids and Gabe Newell will be lucky to make it out of E3 with both of his thumbs. While I know that everyone is anxious for word, and it’s taking an unnaturally long time to make the game, Valve has yet to release a bad game in my book, so we should just let them do their thing. We basically know that the Internet is going to explode whenever word of this game finally comes.

Besides, some of the latest rumors coming around are that Valve is announcing the Source Engine 2, with updated graphics, physics, etc. Which, if that’s the case, I can’t wait to see how they scale up their old games to integrate with it, if that’s even possible. To me, this would be just as cool of an announcement.

LameCop: Mitch

I don’t see why it’s so hard to figure out what Valve is doing with their surprise E3 announcment. It’s not Half-Life 3 or Portal 4 or whatever the nerds think they want, but rather Left 3 Dead! Yeah, think about it for a minute, it totally makes sense. Zombies are awesome, and Valve knows that Gordon Freeman can’t compete with the Master Chief and his Reach arounds, so they’re not even going to try. Plus, it will have the original Survivors, and those guys were the greatest. “I hate Canada, eh?” Classic.

Seriously, all you dorks are clamoring for Portal 6, but the first game was too hard! I didn’t make it past the first level because I couldn’t get out of my cell! If it’s a game about Portals, where are they? Huh?

PsychoCop: Anthony

Geez, go start a boycott that you don’t plan on following through on, why don’t you? I hear Gamestop is offering Steam for free if you show proof that you signed up for the boycott when you go to pre-order Left 4 Dead 3.

Except it’s not Left 4 Dead 3. Valve is pulling a fast one on us all. I have it on good authority from a guy who plays chess with Hideo Kojima that Valve spoke to Kojima about designing their new game…wait for it…

Full-Life. The prequel to Half-Life is a platformer tells the story of Barney the guard and will be a Facebook exclusive. Valve wins E3. Let’s have some cake.


So, there you have it for the newest edition of GameCop vs LameCop vs PsychoCop. Thoughts? Go!

Written by

I write about samurai girls and space marines. Writer for Smooth Few Films. Rooster Teeth Freelancer. Author of Red vs. Blue, The Ultimate Fan Guide, out NOW!

9 thoughts on “GameCop Vs LameCop Vs PsychoCop: E3 Edition!”

  1. “Full-Life. The prequel to Half-Life is a platformer [that] tells the story of Barney the guard and will be a Facebook exclusive.”

    Maximum Yuks! Haha great post dudes.

  2. Hulu on xbox? I dont see the point of doing it on an xbox over the computer… then again my monitor is bigger than my TV, so for most people screen size is better.

    Rockstar pulling out of E3? Meh. Unless theres RDR DLC im not interested.

    Now Valve… theres something upt their sleve their teasing us with. I think the only thing it COULD be is half life.

  3. Well Valve just stated that the surprise was Portal 2 related after every person who ever liked Half Life screamed EPISODE 3, so we won’t see that anytime soon. Oh and great article guys.

  4. You know what I’m going to say. Elder Scrolls V. Please.

    And I hope we all realize by this point that there is no HL2:E3. It’s just gonna be HL3, straight up. Even valve time can’t stretch episodic releases this long, and they do have a ‘big mystery’, assuming that isn’t just the new source engine.

    …And half of what I just said was in the post. Oops.

  5. [quote comment=”11743″]You know what I’m going to say. Elder Scrolls V. Please.

    And I hope we all realize by this point that there is no HL2:E3. It’s just gonna be HL3, straight up. Even valve time can’t stretch episodic releases this long, and they do have a ‘big mystery’, assuming that isn’t just the new source engine[/quote]

    Valve might announce Counter Strike 3? and portal is connected to the Half Life universe so Valve could still sneak in some Ep3 goodness, while sticking to the portal theme, somewhere during E3. How about GLaDOS takes over the press conference and like does crazy stuff then the g-man reboots her and says “Well see about that.” and walks away…or not.

  6. If it is a Source Engine 2 or giving Barney or Adrian Shepard their own game during the period between the first and second Half Life, then I’m gonna need new trousers.

  7. I don’t mind if Valve doesn’t announce Ep.3. The thing is, people are going to expect Ep.3 to be amazing AND worth the wait, and I think Valve is really working hard to make Ep.3 the new Half-Life 2 in terms of sexy goodness.

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