There are plenty of “best of the year” lists floating around for video games these days. But none of them are the Sushis. The Sushis represent a higher pedigree, one that rises above all of the other bush league video game blogs out there. These awards really mean something, people.
OK, maybe not. But they’re fun as hell, and that’s the point of playing games, right?
The Sushi awards represent our goofy and snarky take on the year in gaming, for better or worse, chosen by the GS dudes. A proper “best of” list is coming this weekend, but for now, enjoy these custom awards and feel free to comment on them.
Best Controller Breaker
Winner: Demon’s Soul
Ever get so mad that you don’t even react, almost like you are having an out of body experience, with your soul floating outside your body to see the rage on your face? Demon’s Souls is kind of like that, with the added element of throwing your controller at your floating soul to wipe the smirk off its stupid face!
The thing that makes Demon’s Souls so extra infuriating is that when you die, it’s your fault. The controls of the game are tight and no death is cheap, so when you fail, it’s because you made a mistake. The bright side is that I set a new world record in Dualshock3 Shotput Event!
Runner Up For All The Wrong Reasons: Ghostbusters
Most Ludicrous Plot Device
50 Cent: Blood on the Sand
Diamond covered skulls. Who doesn’t love ’em? Well, I know that we all do, but 50 Cent is ready to kill Iraqis by the busload for his. He got wronged in a deal and now he’s going to end the War on Terror with his uzis, Tony Yayo, and some Gears of War style gameplay. Maybe the US government can start taking notes?
The diamond covered skull is not only a ludicrous plot device and a whacky motivation for our hero, it also provides some of the zaniest and most outlandish dialogue you’ll ever here in a video game. You can only hear the phrase “where my skull” so many times before it gets more and more hilarious. Kudos to 50 on his performance, though. I really believed that he needed that skull, man.
Equally Loopy Plot Device: Titan Serum In Batman: Arkham Asylum
Best Fan Screw-Over Award
Winner: Modern Warfare 2, PC Version
Do you remember on Christmas Day when you would open your presents and it turned out that your Dad only bought you stuff that he wanted so you would give it to him? Well, uh, me neither, but I imagine that’s exactly what it felt like to be a PC player who booted up Modern Warfare 2 for the first time. Instead of opening up the game to the community, as PC players are used to, developers Infinity Ward snatched it back immediately as if saying: “This is our game! You guys would just mess it up! Nyahh!”
Now who’s the big jerk, Infinity Ward? Not only is the game ten dollars more than every other PC game out there, but the multiplayer is so broken that Epic Games laughs at you behind your back. After years of being one of the foremost PC supports out there, you’ve now launched your public good-will back into the Stone Age. This is why you get the Fan Screw-Over Award.
Just as Offensive: Halo ODST’s $60 Price Tag
STFU Award For Over-Exposed Voice Actor
Winner: Nolan North
I get it, Nolan North. You sound like Nathan Fillion. Nerds love Nathan Fillion. You’re also pretty stinking good at what you do, we get that. You are really awesome as Nathan Drake and have made that franchise rather cool. But for the love of all things sacred, your voice is going to start making my ears bleed.
Let’s rattle off a few of the games you appeared in recently: Prince of Persia, Halo Wars, Uncharted 2: Drake’s Fortune, Assassin’s Creed 2, Avatar: The Game, InFamous, Ratchet and Clank: A Crack in Time, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2, Halo: ODST… Yes, this list actually goes on, people. I’m happy you’re getting work, Nolan. Really, I am. But STFU plz.
Could Stand To Hear More Of: Claudia Black
Biggest Complaint I Can’t Find Evidence For
Winner: Sheva’s AI in Resident Evil 5
Confession from Anthony: I played the entire game solo. And never once had an issue with Sheva’s AI. So many people complained about this, but I found it to be a non-issue. If you don’t want her to waste ammo, dole it out as you see fit. I gave her the machine pistols and healing items and used her for extra storage and I flew through the game with little trouble with her.
Must be a user error. Fail.
Totally Legitimate: Dual Shotties in Modern Warfare 2
Biggest OCD Inducer
Winner: Dragon Age: Origins
While all RPGs are synonymous with massive amounts of items that have slightly different stats, Dragon Age is the biggest offender for that this year. Sure, the Blight may be encroaching on the nation of Ferelden and Darkspawn are running rampant across every village, but man, that sword I just picked up adds +4 to strength with +7 armor penetration. But the mace I’m carrying lessens fatigue and has a bigger boost to constitution, but does .7 more damage. Is that better or worse? And how is it possible that wearing more armor will give me less fatigue?
I need to sit down.
Also For Stat Whores: Borderlands
Best Game People Forget Was In 2009
Winner: Resident Evil 5
After the ridiculous amount of games we got hit with at the end of the year, it’s hard to believe this generation defining title came out in just March of 2009. I’ve eaten my crow about this game several times already, and am glad that the gaming media at large got their comeuppance after ragging on it for so long. It had wonderful co-op, a riveting story, awesome cut scenes and tons of replay value. Really, it’s a strong contender for the game of the year, and perhaps spoiled us all early.
Also Awesome And Early: InFamous
Best Time Yelling At Friends
This is a repeat award from last year, but I think we need to dish one of these out each and year. After all, with co-op and multiplayer becoming more and more of a central focus, there’s always going to be those excellent titles that make sure you play together and hate each other at the same time. Last year, it was Left 4 Dead. This year? Borderlands.
Gearbox’s shooter provides great fodder to stir up those old loot whoring wounds that might stem all the way back from Diablo or Champions of Norrath. All it takes is that one guy leaving the fray to grab that special incendiary sniper rifle to start a chorus of shouting before everything goes to hell. Luckily, you all share the same pot of money, but still… you really needed that gun.
More Rage: New Super Mario Brothers Wii
Rotten Sushi Award
Winner: Tony Hawk: Ride
In a landscape inundated and bogged down with stinking stupid peripherals and waggle controls, do we really need another ludicrous attachment? Tony Hawk Ride not only came with an absurd price tag, it also came with a mechanic that makes you say aloud to yourself “seriously?”. For this to take the cake in the same year as DJ Hero really is a testament to how much this game flopped.
Heck, it even produces its own epic fails. Take Burnie Burns from Rooster Teeth, for example.
Just As Vomit Inducing: Wet
And there you have it, The Second Annual Sushi Awards! Tell us what you agree/disagree with, and what some of your thoughts on gaming in 2009 were. The proper “Best Of” list is coming later this week!