Video games are supposed to hold your attention for hours on end, whether that is with engaging characters, superior game-play elements or what have you. Sometimes, though, you have to puzzle at the sheer stupidity of making a sidekick who is the most annoying person (or thing) that has ever grated your patience. Here’s a list of the top five sidekicks that make me want to beat the game designer to death with a rusty spoon:
5. Kreia: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords
Nothing is more irritating than a character that finds fault with everything that you do, which is why Kreia comes in at number five. Whether you’re a goody two-shoes Jedi or a completely evil baby-stealing innocent-killing Sith, Kreia always has a few words to say about your choices during the game. Despite the fact that she herself is a Sith, any dark side choices you make are wrong from her point of view. Talk about nagging.
4. Roman Bellic: GTA IV
Roman Bellic wins this spot for having the following deficiencies: He’s needy, annoying, useless and requires constant baby-sitting. If you don’t watch this guy for five minutes, he’s getting shaken down for money or is being hospitalized for being the weak link in your Niko Bellic chain of awesome. Nothing breaks game-flow like running for your life from the cops while your stupid cousin asks if you want to go see some “beeg American titees!”
3. Navi: Legend of Zelda: The Ocarina of Time
This one is kind of a gimme, which is why Navi sits in third instead of first. We’ve all played Ocarina of Time, so we know how annoying it is to be trying to solve a puzzle while our TV speakers chirp the same sound-bite of “HEY! LISTEN!” over and over again. Yes, Navi, we know that we can climb those vines, we’ve done it a million times before!
2. Otacon: Metal Gear Solid Series
Otacon belongs in the same category as Roman Bellic in that he plays second banana to a universe-breaking bad-ass. The first time you meet Otacon, he wets himself from fear. This sets up a long string of embarrassing moments for gaming’s sob story. Otacon’s life is such a mess; you’re surprised he hasn’t jumped in front of a raging Metal Gear. Sure, he supplies Snake with some cool toys, but besides that, he’s the least capable character in Metal Gear. Oh, he also cries at the drop of a hat.
1. Chip: Sonic Unleashed.
Man, if you thought Sonic had some lame supporting characters before, prepare to be amazed. Chip is the bastard offspring of Navi and Tails. He floats around behind Sonic, constantly spouting the most useless garbage in a high-pitched voice. Over the years, Sonic games have embraced their cartoonish quality to an almost un-healthy degree, but this is overkill. Honestly, when I first met Chip during my Sonic play-through (which lasted about one level), I was flabbergasted. Good thing I was playing this in an empty house, other-wise my roommates would have assumed that I had become suddenly and irrevocably brain-damaged. If I never see Chip again, it will be too soon. If you have any doubts about the sheer force of nature that is Chip’s ability to annoy you, just look at his character design. The concept artist is probably locked away in an asylum by now.
Man, did that feel good! I’ve hated these characters forever, so this was a great opportunity to let off some steam! I had a couple more characters lined up, but I didn’t want to take all the fun. What about you guys? Have you played any game where a supporting character has made you want to turn off your console and snap the disc? Conversely, who are some of your favorite sidekicks?