Wii Fangirl Rant

(The opinions expressed in this article are solely those of a Wii fangirl that wii_gift_17Anthony made up for the purposes of humor and irony. They do not reflect the views of GamerSushi.com. In short: it’s a joke!)

You know, being on top isn’t easy. Having a Nintendo Wii is so rewarding, yet exhausting at the same time. In between my playing the most popular video game system in years, I constantly have to defend myself against attacks from the “hardcore” gamers. These mouth-breathers, so busy bathing in their bloody games full of filth and cursing, seem to think that the Wii is a lesser system than their giant boxes of boredom. I mean, the PS3 is so large and bulky that if a leopard came at me, I could kill it! And I’m an 11-year-old girl!

There are so many great things about the Wii that these hardcore gamers can’t see. By the way, I may be young, but I know “hardcore” is a type of adult entertainment found on the Internet a lot and for most of these people, it’s as close as they are ever getting to a person of the opposite sex. And plus, look at my amazing grammar! You don’t see such good spelling anywhere on those hardcore message boards, do you? See what I did there?

A lot of these people talk about how dumbed-down Wii games are. What a joke! “Super Smash Bros Brawl is so easy! Just hit ‘A’ to win!” Well, Smarty-Pants, try it. Hit “A” over and over and see what happens. Super Smash Bros Brawl is a game of intricate strategy. You have to do more than hit “A”. Often, I have to jump to get items, dodge attacks and mash ALL the buttons in order to win! And even that doesn’t always work. So if you are having problems winning at this game, maybe you aren’t as hardcore as you think you are, tee hee.

The other game they like to cry about is Mario Kart Wii. They use some term called, “Rubber-band AI”, which means the game actually tries to help the people losing. What’s so wrong about that? When I first played, I beat my big brother 3 times in a row! I made an amazing comeback by getting Blue Shells, Bullet Bill and a TON of Mushroom Turbo Boosts! I went from 12th place to 1st in half a lap! He was so mad and he said a lot of very bad words about Nintendo. So you see, that’s why I think rubber-band AI is so good because my big brother needs all the help he can get!

Another thing they don’t like are Friend Codes. But Friend Codes are made for pretty little girls like me! They protect me from all the evil guys I see on “To Catch A Predator” and that hang out at my bus stop offering me candy. So now, those guys can’t get to me online when I want to make Miis of myself and all my friends! Plus, even the non-creepy guys always want to talk to me and they like to curse when my brother plays Halo, so I am glad I don’t have to deal with them.  Nintendo seems to think that everyone online is a pervert, so who needs them?I have real friends in the real world, I don’t want friends online. That’s what WebKinz and Myspace are for!

So for all those hardcore gamers out there that seem to hate on the Wii and us younger gamers who have fallen in love with it, I would like to say one thing: get a life! Just because you have great graphics, diverse gameplay, accessible online gaming and lots of games who’s favorite color is brown, doesn’t mean that you have it all. I have the Wii and when Nintendo releases the Wii 2 in a year or so, with graphics that are slightly better and a touch screen you can stick over your TV screen and play DS games on, you will be even more jealous than you are now!

Written by

Age: 34 PSN ID: Starkiller81. I've played games since before I can remember, starting with my dad's Atari and I haven't stopped yet. Keep them coming and I will keep playing them.

12 thoughts on “Wii Fangirl Rant”

  1. I found that a hilarious outlook! When I fisrt saw the article I was like, this oughta be good, a kid defending the Wii! Good work Anthony. I saw about 2 relevant points there! I could only have come up with one! Also turning Nintendo’s stupid ideas (friend codes and rubber-band AI) into positive points was genius. Wait, does that mean some 11 year old can beat me at Mario Kart? OH NO!

  2. Well now, that’s an interesting perspective. Besides, I don’t think the Wii is bad, it’s just not in my taste (Except for Wii sports, that kicks ass).

  3. That was absolutely genius, pure and simple. You turned all the things gamers hate and turned them around. Maybe this is how the Nintendo executives think like.

  4. lol nice post.

    The rubber band AI is sooooo tru. You can`t lead the race until the last lap, or your going to be repeatedly pwnt by a blue shell, pow block, thunder, thundercloud, a star, and a banana.

  5. This made me ew lol. But it was pretty good. I will hate whoever made Mad World FOREVER if they don’t release it as a download for XBL/PSN later on in the future. That game looks WAYYY too epic to stay on the Wii. It would be a horrible waste of a game if it DID stay on the Wii.

  6. The only thing that would have made that better is if “shit was so cash” was included somewhere in there.

  7. ah… very nice man. Can’t say Im surprised about the points though: we do swear a lot… though they all deserved it, Right? also, nice touch with the proper grammer remark.

  8. This is just plain childish. This only exposes your level of competence. And people will start to have difficulties when they will try to take other content of yours seriously.

  9. [quote comment=”5275″]This is just plain childish. This only exposes your level of competence. And people will start to have difficulties when they will try to take other content of yours seriously.[/quote]

    So you being unable to interpret satire and sarcasm makes someone else incompetent? I’m not sure I follow that one.

    Try to shy away from the personal insults, in the future. I think this is the second warning I’ve given you on that, by the way. We’re all friends here, no reason to resort to that.

    By the way, the bit about the brother needing all the help he could get literally made me laugh out loud.

  10. [quote comment=”5275″]This is just plain childish. This only exposes your level of competence. And people will start to have difficulties when they will try to take other content of yours seriously.[/quote]

    You mean level of imcompetence, I think. Which only showcases yours.

    It states clearly that its a joke. If someone can’t grasp that, then how are they allowed near a PC without constant supervision to make sure they don’t swallow the keyboard?

    Let me explain: No, is too much. Let me sum up:

    The purpose of a post like this is to make fun of the Wii. To show insane fanboys can be about things. I did one about a Sony fanboy proclaiming Trophies are better than Achievements. I will do one about the 360 one day. Its an ironic form of satire that allows someone who loves that system to point out its flaws as strengths.

    Eddy: Yeah, that was my favorite part too.

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