Like most gaming sites, we here at GamerSushi are all about year-in-review awards, in which we give prestigious designations to some of the best (and easiest to make fun of) video games from the year before. The Sushis are no laughing matter though, and represent the highest standard in gaming opinion.
Ok, well maybe that last part isn’t true. But they sure are fun.
The Sushis are basically just our take on the last year, for better or for worse. Some of the awards are goofy and some of them are legit. We hope you get as big of a kick out of it as we did of playing these games. So, without further ado, here are the 2008 Sushis, picked out by both Anthony and yours truly.
Best Use of Next Gen Brown
Winner: Gears of War 2
Apparently the color scheme that we spent hundreds of dollars on this gen is full of browns and grays. And occasionally red. It doesn’t matter if we’re on an alien world or on our own planet, it’s going to be drab, devoid of color, and made to look like a photograph from the Civil War. While Gears of War 2 did have some variety this time around (snow levels, etc), the next gen brown was on full display at the biggest moments of the game. Congrats, Epic, for setting the bar so high!
The Opposite of This: Prince of Persia
Best Game To Get Your Girlfriend
Winner: Wii Fit
Video evidence below, but suffice it to say, this game is the reason to get a girlfriend if you don’t have one. I bought a Wii Fit, a camcorder and a Victoria’s Secret giftcard and sent them to Jessica Alba with explicit instructions on what to do. Now I check the mail three times a day waiting for my bundle of joy or the inevitable restraining order. Confused? Watch the video (possibly NSFW)!
Also Good for her but not as Sexy: Cooking Mama
Best Fanboy Ass Kissing
Winner: Metal Gear Solid 4
The ultimate fanboy service, put into a PS3 package. Old Snake and company do everything they can to brown nose to the Metal Gear Solid fanboys, but I loved them for it. For real, if you don’t get misty eyed/grin like an idiot during Act 4, then nostalgia knows you not, my friend. I kept finding myself saying things like “A Hind D?”. All the while rotating the camera around myself with Snake’s PS1 mug. If you’ve played it, you know what I’m talking about.
Other Kissers: Super Smash Bros. Brawl
Peter Molyneux Memorial Overhype Award
Look, we all know hype is what sells games more often than not. But sometimes, the backlash can be so overwhelming it teaches the developers a lesson in Shut The Hell Up 101. Peter Molyneux has his degree in that subject and now Will Wright is getting the remedial course. Sadly, Penis Monsters will be the lasting legacy of Spore.
This Issue Also (Obviously) Affected: Fable II
Biggest Dong Tease
Winner: Mirror’s Edge
You know the type. They flirt, they touch, they make you think you’re about to have a good time. And then they switch gears on you at the last minute, leaving you frustrated and maybe hating life. Yes, I’m talking about video games. Mirror’s Edge manages to interrupt its own fun game with bits of combat that don’t quite work and indoor segments that leave much to be desired. Not a bad game by any means, and pretty to look at to be sure, but then again, most dong teases are like that.
Slightly Less of a Tease: The Force Unleashed
Game I Can’t Stop Playing
Winner: Saints Row 2
Look, this game is juvenile, offensive and just plain wrong…but its so much FUN! That is why we play games, is it not? To have fun? GTA IV tried so hard to be NOT a GTA game that it lost its soul. Saints Row 2 has so many things to do that I literally can’t make myself stop playing it.
Also Addicted To: Left 4 Dead
Best Sim Game
Winner: Grand Theft Auto IV
If the whole game played like GTA IV’s first island, then GTA IV would have been my game of the year, hands down. Unfortunately, the story disappears, the choices become limited, and you spend the rest of the game participating in the best social simulator game since the Sims. Trying to do a mission? Cousin Niko, come hang out with me! Need to find some ammo? Sorry, you haven’t hung out with Little Jacob enough. I swear, you spend more time driving around these needy degenerates than you do doing anything that matters. But hey, at least you’re prepared for college, right?
More Free Roaming Goodness: Fallout 3
Riding The Coattails Award
Winner: Call of Duty: World at War
Call of Duty 4 was awesome for two reasons: no more WWII and awesome multiplayer. Well, World At War will see your awesome multiplayer and fold like origami at the WWII part. Treyarch made millions cry out in horror when they set the newest Call of Duty back in the time of the Greatest Generation. It was still a great game, but since it rode Call of Duty 4’s wave, it felt like one step back and one step to the side. Call of Duty: Diagonally Lateral Movement.
Runner-Up: Final Fantasy 7: Crisis Core
Best Giant Super Mutant
Winner: Fallout 3
I mean, every video game year needs some kind of super mutant giant abomination, so, hats off to Bethesda. The first time you run into one of these guys, you pee your pants. It really is completely frightening, especially if you don’t have a nuke handy. Or testicles.
Totally Lame Version of This: Gears of War 2
Most Smile Inducing Game
Sackboy. Adorable. For real, if playing this game doesn’t make you smile like an idiot, it’s possible you have no heart beating within your cold, barren chest. Nuff said.
Also Joyful: Castle Crashers
Best Time Yelling at Friends
Winner: Left 4 Dead
Left 4 Dead could have won best simulator game, because I’m pretty sure this is how the zombie apocalypse goes down. For some reason, when I play this game, I become totally insane, raving like a madman and shouting at my friends. It’s not until after it’s all said and done that I start to relax, calm down, and realize that there is no tank bearing down on me. Though I swear I can still hear that Boomer…
More Great Co-Op: Gears of War 2 Horde Mode
And there you have it, The First Annual Sushi Awards! Tell us what you agree/disagree with, and what some of your favorites of 2008 were.